Just read the blog, and found it very interesting, and entertaining. I'm
alway interested in reading about other women's experiences re many
things. I wonder, though, if, beginning with our generation, and,
perhaps earlier, the stories will be more alike than not. I certainly
know that my mother's situation re her family of seven was not a great
one. I think she and Dad were happy with a large family, and the first
five seemed fine, but having Eileen and Erik when her oldest child was
18 and 21 years old did nothing to make their lives easier, and their
early childhoods were a very hard time for my mother. When I was in
college, Mom told me (in cryptic shorthand, so no one else would hear
her- which, unfortunately, I was naive enough still not to get at first,
either) she had asked the dr. about the pill. (If I remember the
conversation correctly, she said, "I asked him about 'something' but he
said I was too old to take it safely.") It took me a while to figure
out what she was talking about. I'm sure there were many women of her
generation who were a bit more savvy about preventing late-life or
numerous children, but they weren't among her friends. I remember one
of the other late-40's women who had a "caboose kid" with a cleft palate
saying, "Rhythm is great while you've got rhythm!"
Anyway, I think having heard many of these discussions, and watched my
mom's experience, I was already prone to using artificial contraception.
The pill became legal in Connecticut during my college years, and
seemed a wonderful option. When Neil and I were in premarital
counseling, I remember being fascinated by the language chosen by our
priest. "Are you aware that it is counter to Church teaching to thwart
the natural ends of marriage?" It struck me as interesting that I was
asked if I was aware, not compliant, and no definition was given to
"natural ends of marriage."
Our particular relationship and life style early in our marriage cinched
the deal for me. Neil was pursuing a career as an actor at the time,
and, while it wasn't a particularly profitable career, it was a fairly
successful one by theatrical standards. He had many jobs in the first
ten years of our marriage, often in other cities or on tour. When
possible, I would take trips to visit him (I was working full time in
the first five years, and had to plan around my time off.) When I went
to see him, or he came home, neither of us was in a mood to have to
determine if it was a "good" time for a sexual encounter. I couldn't
accept the fact that abstinence under those conditions would have been a
positive influence on our marriage. It might have made us "stronger,"
but neither of us had signed on for the monastic life. If we had three
days together in a particular two week period, we were going to use them
well! That particular situation also included the fact that a time of
career-building for Neil made my employment more necessary. I didn't
want to be a working mom - my own personal decision, and one I don't
judge others by - and the timing was dicey for that.
By the end of my child-bearing years, I nursed my third baby far
longer and more completely than my other two (another story) and we were
a bit more laissez-faire about contraception, but had no unwanted
pregnancies. The pill was not recommended by the time I had our third,
and I found most of the barrier types of contraception uncomfortable,
and inconvenient. Had another pregnancy occurrred after my last, we
would have been okay, but would probably have become more diligent in
our efforts to prevent a fifth until I was no longer fertile.
Through all of this, I felt no guilt or compunction to follow Church
law. I am publicly 'outing' myself as a cafeteria Catholic. I am, I
guess, enough of a cynic to find very practical economic reasons for the
Catholic Church to keep its pews full, and husband's needs fulfilled
without straying, and very little in Christ's teachings that lead me to a
belief that He mandated unmanaged childbearing.
Barbara, I didn't try to write this well - better I should just get
it done - and I could expound on a whole lot of it. Your blog said
one could write in the "comments" section. Am I stupid? I couldn't
find such a section.
Chris Napolitan
